Anonymous asked: I really need help :( I have a huge case of social anxiety whenever i go out or see people or eat in public, and its ruining my life. i tremble, sweat, become nauseous, almost vomit, before and a few days after i go out to the point where i cant eat for days and i dont know what to do :(
Hey gorgeous! I’m not very good with anxiety as I have no experience whatsoever, but I’ll try and give some advice.
How did this develop? Maybe you could slowly work towards overcoming it? Try having a friend over every now and again just to hang out, or try having video calls on skype with people? Spend more time with yourself too.
It all comes down to how you view yourself. Spend some time with yourself and don’t forget that you’re beautiful. There is no need to feel like people are constantly judging you. If anything, I’m sure they’re wondering why you’re so gorgeous. To be honest, everyone’s mind probably thinks and feels the same. Everyone, particularly females, think people are constantly judging them. Don’t let it get to you! :)
But like I said, my inexperience is no match, so if you really have problems, you should seek professional help. But I wish you all the best lovely <3
Anonymous asked: Exactly. We both have shit timing. Everytime I've found somebody else, he's found to love me that way again and everytime he finds someone else i find how to love him like that again and arghfkjfafjdkfa. Except this time I can't really forgive him and mostly myself for letting it happen. Sooo now I just try to avoid him as much as I can without making anything noticeable.
I hate bad timing :( But everything happens for a reason. Maybe it’s to show you that you both like each other? Or that it wasn’t supposed to happen? I often fall for my bestfriends who are male. It really sucks. But I’m too afraid to do or say anything because it would ruin our amazing friendship. I have already ruined one. My last relationship was a disaster. If you really wanted each other, I guarantee you will be together in the end. Time will come, don’t you worry :) <3
Anonymous asked: i hate my best friend and i still love him at the same time. it's really annoying..
Why do you hate him? I guess no matter how hard you try to hate someone you will always love them if you care about them.
Anonymous asked: she is 19 years old. but obviously finding it tough because we both graduated high school recently.
and yeah the family is pretty messed up and pretty sure her parentals don't care.
im just not sure how to support her you know? since i can't give her the money or anything. she does have a job -- but obviously will be tight! :(
Hmm, in that case. You could persuade her to find a roommate to share the bills? It would be much easier. She could get a loan? I’m not sure about that, because I hate being in debt to people. I don’t blame her for leaving the house if her family isn’t right for her. Her health and her happiness should come first. But if I were her, I would have waited till I had more than enough money.
But you know what? After we graduate from highschool, we’re all free in this big world, and we are exposed to so many dangers. I have uni students tell me they wish they were back in school. I guess I want to embrace my childhood, or what is left of it. I’m in uni next year, and I’m scared. Because we are all so young and naive, we don’t understand that in the big world, we have to fend for ourselves.
There is nothing much you can do to help her, because this was her personal choice, and she was being reasonable. If you are comfortable with it, you could lend her a bit of money, but make sure that she doesn’t think it’s a daily thing. Make sure she doesn’t expect things from you. I know she’s your friend and she wouldn’t do something like that, but be careful where you draw the line! Don’t be used and walked all over :) You are not a bad friend. Obviously you are one of the better friends, because you cared enough to ask me for advice on how to help her, and you tried to convince her. She should see that you genuinely care for her and that you are worried <3
Anonymous asked: how would you comfort a friend? what would you tell her. my friend ran away from home because she hates her family, and needs to find place to stay, as in to rent and everything. so she has to do everything herself, cook, financials etc and is finding life so daunting and exhausting! :(
i really don't know what to do. what to say. i told her not to feel sad and she got pissed at me, saying that she is sad etc.
FML im such a bad friend :(
Sorry about the late reply!
I have once considered running away. But I’m past that immaturity. How old is your friend? If she’s 18, she can legally move out of her house and start her own life. Her parents will have less responsibility. However, if she’s underaged, I highly recommend her to convince her to go back.
- Firstly, she will not be able to financially support herself on her own. Bills a really hard to pay, especially if she had to get a part time job. McDonalds probably pays less that $10 an hour? She will NOT get anywhere living by herself.
- Futhermore, if she is still young, who is going to pay for her education? She needs to be educated to have a good future, to make more money to support herself.
- Her family might be so worried, and probably didn’t understand she felt that way. She should have spoken to them first and told them that there are things she is uncomfortable with, etc. If her family really did treat her badly, then she should have called a kids helpline, or stayed with a trust friend or adult. Maybe someone in her extended family.
- Eventually, she won’t have enough money to support herself, and she’ll be dwelling on the streets.
Tell her these things, and also, say that you are only looking out for her because you don’t want her to get hurt. She’s your friend, and no one else but you would have tried so hard to tell her not to do silly things.
If she’s actually quite young, her mind and heart don’t really think about the consequences. If she’s under 16, she may be thinking immaturely. Even the term “run away” is a sign of immaturity. I would know because I used to think about it. Just as long as you mention these factors to herm and let her know what’s she’s up against. ONLY GIVE UP IF she gives you valid reasons for running away. Such as
- She has enough money. Enough means, bills, food, and recreation
- She has a roommate to help her financially
- She knows exactly what she’s doing
- She has a decent job that pays well
- She is 18 or over.
Anonymous asked: Hey girl <3
I got invited to a bbq/pool party this weekend and i'm in a crisis :x
I'm about 5 '1, 5 '2ish and I'm real self conscious about my body. People always tell me that i have a "butt" whenever i wear a pencil skirt or something that fits around my hips and curves and I'm asian and most asians are flat and don't have a butt so i feel out of place..I'm not really fat but I have a round face and a bit of a tummy and my legs touch and i am not ready for a beach body :(
what should i wear to the party? my best friend and her brother (that i have a crush on) invited me and a lot of other people were invited including super skinny girls. i thought about wearing a bikini and then a big shirt over and sofie shorts but i heard that would just accentuate my chubbiness. any advice? T.T
Ahh, anon, I’m terribly sorry for replying so late. I’ve been extremely busy. I know the party is probably over now :( But in case you have another party like this;
If you have a nice summer dress to wear over your bikini, or perhaps wear a sexy black one piece that shows off cleavage? Try a sarong maybe? I know we are all self-conscious of something, but I’m sure you are gorgeous and there shouldn’t be a need to hide your beautiful body :) xx
Anonymous asked: this is probly out of your advice area, but ive been with this guy for four months. and his birthday is coming up. and i have no idea what to get him. i love him so much and i want to show it. what do you suggest? he likes music, but he downloads or buys it all so theres no point in buying him cds or something. hes a christain, he likes animals..
Aww you are so cute! Well I’ve put a lot of thought into this. You want to show your affection, so get something really meaningful. You could exhibit you talents in the gift. Are you artistic or musical? Draw of photo of the both of you, or write him a song. It would be so much to him. It’s so much better than buying a manufactured gift. Show how much you love him by using your talent and creativity. He will admire you for it <3
Anonymous asked: okay so im not someone who would be asking for personal advice, but you seem really nice and kind.
where i live and the school i go to everyone is really judgmental, and sometimes can be really hard to fit in.
all my friends are really pretty and skinny and i just feel ugly around them,
my body is uneven, i have stretch marks and pimples and i just feel ugly around them
i have a pool party kind of thing and i feel really uncomfortable going
especially casue there will be guys and some girls can be really judgmental
they all are really skinny and are always saying there fat so it just makes me really upset because im alot larger then them
and i want to go im just not sure : (
advice?
Honey! I’m so sorry for answering this so late, I had to write up my essays. You don’t have to be physically attractive to be beautiful. Sometimes the most beautiful people are the ones that smile, laugh, and take life positively. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. That’s what I define as beautiful. You don’t need to have an amazing body, but we all have our own distorted personal perceptions. You may not feel as pretty as your friends, but in someone else’s eyes, they probably think and feel the same thing! As long as you believe you’re just as beautiful, you will be just as beautiful. You should go to the party and be yourself, smile and laugh. People really admire others who have that kind of happiness. Those girls will look at you and say, “wow, I wish I could be as beautiful and happy as her” :)
You’re beautiful, you just have to believe in yourself x
Anonymous asked: i really need some good advice, i lost my virginity to my boyfriend on saturday. im fourteen and hes 15, but we have been together for a while. his parents saw the condom so now they know so they hate me now=[ and it might affect our relationship.. what should i do?
Hey gorgeous! I’m sorry to hear. Why did you both decide to do it? Aw, they don’t hate you, but from the “parent’s point of view” they may be a little offended or shocked, as you are both under the legal age. However it is your body, and you are your own responsibility. My advice is, do not avoid his parents like the plague. How much do you care about him?
When you give yourself to a guy, you are more likely to be “bound” to him. Breaking up would hurt even more, because you lost it to him. Just make sure he doesn’t mess around with you. How long were you dating for? If it was a few months, I don’t think it was long enough to lose it to him, unless you didn’t really mind and you knew the consequences. I can’t really tell you not to do it, because it’s your body and your life, but maybe you should have waited a little longer babe :( Your body is still developing! However, I’m glad you used protection.
Sorry, I went completely off track. Talk to him about it. See if he still acts the same around you. If he parents don’t want you to be together, then there’s not much you can do. Would you disobey his parents and see him in private? I advise you do not disobey them if this happens. Because if they find out you are still seeing each other, you would have abused their trust. All you can do now, is talk to him like you usually do. Make sure you don’t lose him. Your firsts are special <3
Good luck beautiful xx
Anonymous asked: I wear make up so that i can at least pretend to be somebody pretty. But I still know that i will never compare to beautiful.
Aww babe, everyone is beautiful in their own unique way. Some people wear make up to feel more confident about themselves. Some people wear make up because it’s a part of grooming. As long as you can be yourself, personality wise, there shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of :) <3
Anonymous asked: what if i was drunk and he was completely sober? i'm so confused. i couldn't really care what anyone thought, though you're right on the wait thing. this weekend we will both be drunk, i'm anxious to see what comes of it. thank you for that, i needed to tell somebody x
Oh sorry, he was sober! That’s a bit different. He obviously trusts you. It depends what he spoke to you about. Be careful there ;) Whatever happens, happens for a reason, but just as long as he doesn’t cheat, because that could end horribly. The last thing you want his confused girlfriend questioning you. Aw, come to me any time :) It’ll be okay. If you really like him that much and you want to have him, maybe you can confess? It’s not a good thing to keep it bottled up. The only thing that’s stopping you is the fear of rejection, or the fear of messing up their relationship. Let it flow out, time will come darl :) x
Anonymous asked: Sorry but this is going to be quite long. The other night I caught a train 2 hours away with 2 of my friends. They were going to see a concert which was 18+ so I couldn't go, but I was going to come along so I could drink and watch a movie beforehand with them and then I was going to get a train back by myself while they were at the concert. I mainly just decided to go because I had nothing else to do that night and they kept telling me to come along. Anyway, so we got there, instead of seeing a movie we decided to go to a bar instead. I only had 4 drinks but I was absolutely smashed because I had already had about a litre of some Orange Smirnoff goon stuff on the train. My guy friend was drinking too but the girl wasn't. So it got to the point where I was throwing up and I passed out. They had to drag me on the train and they found a couple on the train to look out for me. Just random strangers. They also organised for one of my friends to pick me up from the train station so they were looking after me alright. Although the next morning I was kind of hurt when I realised they shouldn't have left me on the train by myself when I was in that state, simply because I wouldn't do that to my friend even if I had a concert. So telling them the next morning that I was hurt by it made them so angry and made me seem ungrateful for what they had done for me. Talking to one of them at school today, I realised that it was hard for her because my other friend was also drunk and she had to go with him to the concert because he was getting a bit aggressive. So I apologised to her and didn't have time to talk to the guy about it but he's deleted me off Facebook and I don't even know if he'll even give me the chance to apologise to him. Obviously it was my fault for drinking that much and I apologised over and over for ruining their night but now I feel like I've lost all of my friends because word has spread and now it's hard to move on from what I've done because they're still obviously hung up on it. But I just feel terrible. Sorry this is so long. Any thoughts about this?
Your friends were responsible for taking care of you when you’re drunk, because good friends take care of each other. However, you need to remember that you are also responsible for drinking, babe. I guess your friend was trying to look after your other friend as well, and I can understand how hard it is to look after more than one person or friend.
But you know what? Remember this. Treat others the way you would like to be treated. If they treat you like that, does that mean that if they were in your situation, they wouldn’t mind you sending them off alone on a train? They haven’t been very good or thoughtful friends. I would have stayed with my friend and looked after her as long as I could, or at least called someone that I know who would drop my friend off. Your friends are quite irresponsible.
Have you spoken to them about how you could solve this issue if it ever happens again? They have no right to be angry. Being angry is just an excuse. They left you with two random strangers. That is putting you at risk to harm. People could have taken advantage of you while you were drunk. I say they are bad friends, but you need to lightly talk to them about it. Ask them why they did it, and tell them that you think that they should handle the situation differently.
Don’t let someone bring you down. Don’t let someone ruin your social life, just because of one night. You have a say. It was rude of him to delete you off facebook.
You were responsible for your own drinking, and I guess they had to pay for their concert and look after the guy, but they probably could have thought of safer or more considerate routes. xx
Anonymous asked: I’m in a better state when I am unhappy. I don’t know if it’s because I have control, or if it’s because I can actually feel something. I just understand myself more. I guess it’s hard to tell now, because I am always unhappy. Everyone knows that me and my mother don’t get along and yeah maybe she’s partially why I am upset most of the time, but that’s just on the outside. On the inside I am a mess. Am I that unhappy with myself? Do I hate myself that badly? I can’t tell. At certain times, I actually feel okay. That’s only 5% of the time. It’s just probably because I haven’t looked at myself properly that day. Huh. I question myself, when did this happen to me? You know what! People did this to me. Everyone around me, since childbirth, they’ve made me this way. I’m so hated, I know I am. I can feel it all around me; I’m not cute, sexy, pretty, adorable, fun, smooth, gentle, nothing. So I’ll never be, right? So why is those who want it so bad, never get it? I’m a good person, I try, I mean well. So why do people make me feel so ashamed to be who I am. In all honestly, I hate to go out in public, I am so insecure, that I feel like everyone is always watching me and laughing. I feel sick, because of all the thoughts that circle my brain. I’m a weird one; I still laugh, muck around, and amuse people. I don’t know. It’s so scary because if something wasn’t wrong then I wouldn’t be thinking about it or writing it, like I am.
I miss being a kid, not caring about a thing in the world. Why do the media do this to us, what kind of satisfaction do they get. I’m constantly afraid to ask questions because of the possible answers I might get. I don’t believe anyone who says they love me; I always think...”Why would they?” Really... I never realise how bad this actually is. I am in a battle with myself. It’s destructive. I am useless. My mind is always in thoughts all the time, I try to find a way out but I can’t. I know that life’s hard but it really does feel so much harder, for me. Just me. I want to run, go some place where nobody knows me. Hah. That’s why after primary school I went to a completely different high school to anyone I knew, I didn’t want those people around me, because they knew me for the weak, pathetic girl I was. I want to do that again. Just run, after high school is finished, I want out of this mess. It’s not mean to be like this, is it? Look, I don’t want sympathy or support... I don’t want love, I want piece, acceptance. You don’t know what it’s like feeling so ugly all the time, when you’re all so beautiful. My stomach, my legs, thighs, face, hair, arms, boobs, eyes, nose, chin, fingers, toes, knees, ears, back, shoulders. I don’t know what the point of this letter is, I guess it’s me making an attempt to let people in, but I’ve been hesitating to send it. Oh and I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t let someone like Alek, read this because well I don’t want him to see what kind of a girl he has, this crazy girl, who has no clue about anything. How do people feel when they look at me? Are they happy to see me? Do people talk about me? It’s called being paranoid, I know. I feel like everyone around me pretends, pretends to enjoy my existence. It’s okay, because I don’t need people around me. I am quite happy being alone. I am good at being alone, I actually enjoy being by myself and I think that’s why I don’t mind the whole distance thing, if you know what I mean. I don’t mind it because it’s close to being what I am used to and that’s being alone. I am good at pushing people away too. Like, when something falls apart I tend to push all good things away, now I have only realised that recently... I don’t really know how to explain it.
Please don’t say I am some emotional kid, like emo. I’m not. It’s so stupid. Oh and I have been crying so much lately and I absolutely hate it. I hate crying; it’s stupid and pointless and gives me headaches. I’m private, I like privacy, I like having my own secrets, and it means there are still things in my power. Lately, my power has run out, because the shield that used to block people from entering my mind has stopped working and I don’t know what to do with it. Everything seems to be crashing because I can’t control shit. It’s not always a bad thing, maybe I am just independent. People don’t need to know everything about me. It makes me strong and I can’t be weak. If people knew half the things that went on in my mind, man they’d be horrified. I think I was always like this, I don’t know. I remembered a few, events that happened to me years and years ago, a number of them. I remembered that they actually were quite traumatic, but I made myself forget how bad they were. Most times I smile, because I have to, not because I want to. They’re not fake smiles, no. They’re just... not fully intended. Look, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, I am not a charity case. I also don’t want to be seen as a little teenage girl with stupid hormonal problems, cause that’s not what it is. I mean it. I’m also not being dramatic; people think I become dramatic when I actually let something out, because it’s so unusual of me to do so. Eh, I always say what I think and stand up for my beliefs, people take that as being a bitch. I’m not, I am just being strong and not letting you all step over me, it’s been done far too many times before.
I love letters, they’re so honest. Anyway, nobody knows me. I sing when I need to let something out and I can’t say it, nobody hears me though. Nobody has heard the amount of power I can actually have, in my voice. I put my heart and soul into music, but I am afraid to let it all out, because what if someone takes my favourite thing, away from me. Here’s a secret. I have some form of anxiety problems, now I haven’t been doctors or anything... But I feel it. I panic all the time, especially at night. I get overwhelmed and feel sick to my stomach and just scream. It’s scary. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to think I have a problem, but it’s been bothering me since I was a little girl and usually these things are meant to pass, they’re not meant to occur, at this age. Especially for what it is about, anyway.
I can't decide whether or not I love my boyfriend, he says he loves me so much but I just procrastinate everything and it leads me to not want love..
Aww sweetie, look here. Everyone is different, and maybe not everyone understands you. I completely understand that. But you are beautiful! Don’t listen to what the media tells you is “perfection”. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, I can guarantee that. I’ll accept you :) You don’t have to conform to the society in order to be understood and accepted. Before we can find acceptance with others, we must find acceptance with ourselves. I love spending time on my own. I love discovering new things about myself. Being alone is not always a bad thing. I’m sorry about your mother, I guess not everyone has a perfect life. I understand that.
As for your boyfriend, maybe you should spend a week without texting him for contacting him much. Spend some time a alone. Do you think of him when you are alone? Do you miss him? Would you be hurt if he was with another? If the answers are yes, this points out that you do have feelings for him. Love is another story. Would you die for him? Cry if he ever broke your heart? Sacrifice things to make him happy? Does he do the same? There are so many questions.
I can tell you one thing. If you and your boyfriend understand and accept each other for who you are, then you love each other. Would you find another one like him?
x
Anonymous asked: i need your advice. i think i'm bi. im not 100% sure but im attracted to this girl in my year who makes me laugh and is really pretty. but ive never kissed a girl before and ive gone out with guys but theres something about her. what do you think :S im confused, am i bi? <3
I think you’re emotionally attached to her. You could be attracted to her as a friend. My grandma makes me laugh and I think she is really pretty. See the difference? You adore her, like I adore girls too. You could be bi-curious? If you ever kissed her, how would you feel about it? If you like her more than a friend, if you’re certain that you have strong feelings for her, you might be bi. I’m sorry, I don’t have much experience with this. Teenagers often get confused with finding their sexuality. It’s common. I know I’m bi-curious. I’m not bi though. :) I think.
Haha. x
indigo-gypsy asked: hey lovely :) you have really good advice and im thinking that applies to urls as well haha. i just need one more opinion on whether or not i should change my url to acid-butterfly or keep the current one? x
Acid-butterfly sounds cute :) I like it! It’s catchy, but if you want to be original, I suggest you keep moontiara, because there are a lot of acid/mermaid/unicorn blogs out there :) xx
